Monday, September 22, 2014

"Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won't last forever."

"Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won't last forever."

Turns out being a new mommy, even a year later, is a pretty busy job. I've probably written around 30 blogs in my head, and a few as drafts but keep leaving things unfinished. Sometimes refreshing my memory on things I want documented rehashes too much pain, therefore requiring a break and then results in me never finishing it. Other times, I am unsure where the blog was going. Did it sound too "whiny"? Is what I'm writing relevant to my readers? Do I care? Should I just write it in a paper journal that I may lose, then pick up another journal and write in that? The main reason I write is for myself, but sometimes it's to share, connect, and provide witness for my continued walk in faith. 

Saying vs. Doing. 
The epic battle continues now.....

Let me close the chapter of our journey to parenthood by explaining how it came to be that we got duh you totally know how, but for those who have struggled/are struggling with fertility, I'd like to tell THAT PART of the story. You know the rest. :) 

In November 2012, I blogged that our fertility doc had found nothing to be "wrong" with either of us. We were healthy, showing good signs of being capable to make a baby, but we just needed some assistance. Clomid clearly did not work for me, but resulted in my body rejecting the meds, so Femara was our next step. I began my first round of Femara in November and got pregnant that first month. 

This was 9 months from when my sister had found out she was pregnant, so while I'm sure the Femara helped, I couldn't help but think God had that perfectly timed out. She got to enjoy her pregnancy and being a new mommy to my precious nephew, and then it was my turn. Even though she's younger than me (15 months), it's been so great to have her to look up to and ask 212,394,943 questions about being a mommy! 

The first trimester was full of cereal eating and major food aversions. I felt like I was peeing every two seconds! I had an awesome student teacher and teammates who were so amazing and helped me so much. 

At 14 weeks I noticed bleeding and totally freaked out. Come to find out I had a low lying placenta, which was putting some strain on me so I was advised to be on modified bed rest. Basically I could continue teaching, but mostly sitting down, no bending over to pick up things, no vacuuming (darn!), no cooking (okay that I really was bummed about), and I needed to be in bed other than the times I was at work. If ya know me....that's not how I teach, live, or what I wanted- BUT anything for my baby! This continued for about six weeks until my placenta had moved out of the "danger zone" and then came enjoying my pregnancy. 

i weigh what?!?

Truth be told, a week before I knew I'd deliver I started having major anxiety breakdowns. I was questioning if I could do the whole motherhood thing, if I'd like it, and if I could manage breast feeding, being nice to people (zombie-zone), and still being a loving wife. My husband rocks, ya'll. He has always, and will always be the sound voice when my anxiety gets the best of me. He reminded me that we are in this together and no matter what , we will be just fine.

Ya know what? We are.

That beautiful little joy who took 13 months of trying, 13 hours of laboring (mostly napping because I had the epidural almost immediately), came on August 13th and fulfilled our lives in ways I had no idea were possible!

So, while things didn't go quite as I would have planned, they turned out just perfectly. I was able to reach out and meet/talk to/connect/advise/counsel others who have struggled with fertility. Many who's stories were much more difficult than mine. Making a struggle that most deal with silently , known was one of the best decisions I could have made. All because I felt like God was placing it on my heart to reach out!

 All along He was preparing my spirit for something so much bigger than I could see. The strength and confidence I gained through this chapter has completely helped me along in this new journey. That's what it's about. Learning how to be strong, finding your faith, praising Him through the storm, and thanking Him for leading you through it.

"It won't last forever."

Cambree's birth story is next....YAYAYAY!!

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